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“Scream Queens” Recap: Did You Forget You’re Super Gay?

November 18, 2015

Gay, The Backlot, TV

by 20m ago Uh oh. There’s trouble a-brewin’ on Team Red Devil. Last week, Gigi’s intense terribleness finally saw her convicted of three counts of elastic-waistband khakis in the first degree with an intent to Antonin Scalia cosplay, forcing Nick Jonas to surface from being fake-dead just to deal with her bizarre mess of a life. Ever the cunning superspy, International Jonas of Mystery is still completely undetectable as his alter-ego, wild swamp wolf “Wakeen Feenix,” as he wanders around campus going, “La la la, my disguise! Gladiator things!” Wow, it’s like Joaquin Phoenix is right here in the room! It would have been the perfect plan too, if he hadn’t spilled Orange Drink-brand orange soda (my favorite!) all over his fake beard right in front of Chanel #3. We’ve all been there. #evilvendettaproblems. Having now seen Nick Jonas moving around and looking barely even a little bit dead, Chanel #3 immediately jumps to the logical conclusion: he’s a gh-gh-gh-GHOOOOST! Nick Jonas goes, “Yes. A ghost. Boo. And such.” Chanel #3 desperately tries to escape her impending gay-ghost-revenge murder (oh those) by declaring that she was almost sort of a lesbian in that one episode. Convincing argument!…

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